The Reality of Ego Death & Psychedelic Integration
Here at Intronaut, we do psychedelic integration differently. Instead of having participants go around in a talking circle, we host our integrations in an open, interactive, and educationally-structured format. Ivan and Lana Rados possess a wealth of knowledge when it comes to all things practical, philosophical, and psychotherapeutic. During our integration sessions, we invite participants to ask questions (if they feel called), for input from our healers for the rest to hear.
Participants often report that simply listening in on our sessions (even if they don’t speak) is a therapeutic experience. Ivan and Lana tend to teach in terms of high-level principles –principles we can all apply, no matter the details of the circumstances of our lives.
Our last integration session on Monday Dec. 13th was a deeply profound one (as are most of our integration sessions). It just so happened to be that I was in the mood to take notes. So here it is: takeaways from our last integration session, rounded out by my interpretations for context.
On Ego Death & Rebirth
One of the pinnacles of the psychedelic experience is “ego death.” Journeyers seek this phenomenon for a multitude of benefits, but is it “ego death” that we ultimately desire? Ivan and Lana stress this often: it is not generally desirable (nor possible) to be completely devoid of an ego.
Having an ego is not a bad thing. We need an ego in order to function and have meaningful relationships. Ivan said in a previous public address, that only those who live in isolation (away from society) can go without ego. The key, for the rest of us, is to be conscious of our relationship with our ego. Are we using our mind or is it using us?
(In this case, I find it helpful to use the terms “mind” and “ego” interchangeably. I’ve noticed that Ivan does too. I often hear participants, prior to their journeys, talk about the “strength” of their minds as if it were an inconveniently over-tuned asset. To call it your “ego” seems to sit differently and might be helpful for this reason.)
It is a fallacy to think that just because you’ve experienced “ego death” once, you are now permanently devoid of an ego. We strive for ego death not because it is a noble aspiration, but because of what it ultimately enables: ego rebirth.
In order for a new paradigm to arise, something about your old way of thinking has to die. The principles of psychodynamics echo the laws of thermodynamics in this way. Endings are but a precursor to new beginnings. You can’t birth a new ego without allowing your previous one to die – and as rejuvenating as this process is, it can feel quite disconcerting.
At one point, our ego was our protector. Its role was to ensure our survival, and it’s done this. We’ve survived. For this, we must have some degree of tenderness towards our ego, not vilify or crucify it. This is a principle Lana teaches all the time, and was a central theme of our last cacao ceremony. It is possible to have love for our ego, even if it no longer serves us. It is possible to love something and, at the same time, detach from it.
Reality is But a Controlled Hallucination
Here’s a hard pill to potentially swallow: many of us are here because, at one point, we realized we could no longer trust our perception of reality. Pathological depression and anxiety are cumbersome because they do so well at feeding us lies. These conditions are extreme manifestations of a basic principle Ivan often espouses: the idea that reality is but a controlled hallucination.
Mystics have been saying this for thousands of years, and consciousness researchers are beginning to substantiate this. For years, classical neuroscientists believed that the brain processed information in a “bottom-up” type of way. Bottom-up processing begins with (1) raw sense data, (2) the reorganization of that data into mental models, and (3) the formation of perception based on those newly-construed mental models.
If only it were so linear. In truth, we know that our brains are evolutionarily-inclined towards efficiency. Modern neuroscience is revealing to us that our brain is but a predictive machine. Where there’s a process of prediction, there’s an algorithm to support it. Bayes’ theorem (a foundational principle of probabilistic reasoning) is a way of formalizing the predictive algorithm that is ordinary (human) perception.
Processing sense data in a bottom-up way would be much too inefficient for our survival. What we do, instead, is apply a top-down approach to perception. This means that we begin with (1) mental models that are shaped by our prior beliefs or expectations, and (2) we test new data against those mental models. What we perceive, then, is ultimately (3) a combination of our sensory inputs and our prior beliefs – in essence, our brain’s “best guess” of what is actually there.
This is the simplest explanation for the irrationality of the human mind: the fact that new evidence is not enough to change one’s perception of reality. The influence of your existing paradigm is much too strong, much too consequential. So, to radically shift your perception, you must radically shift your paradigm.
Perception is a combination of our senses and our thoughts. Bayes’ theorem (a foundational formula in probabilistic reasoning) used as a means of modeling the predictive nature of ordinary perception. (Image source)
Can You Become More Unconscious Following a Spiritual / Psychedelic Experience?
A common observation participants report following their ceremony with us is a sense of heightened consciousness of the maladaptive patterns they’ve historically held. They often say things like, “I feel like I’ve become more aware of my shadow and it makes me uncomfortable.” Or “I notice myself in my triggers and it makes me uncomfortable.” Or “Why does it seem like I’ve become more irritable?”
Having participated a great number of a ceremonies with Intronaut now, I can confidently say that a vast majority of participants experience a sense of grounded-ness and peace in the days following their ceremony. A smaller proportion of participants will continue to notice their shadow coming to the light, long after the ceremony has ended. To this, Ivan would say, “good” – just as he would to any other type of experience following a ceremony. Lana would say, “That which rises to the level of your awareness is that which is on its way out.”
In a previous integration session, Lana has said (explicitly) that it is highly improbable to become more unconscious following an experience in ceremony or retreat. If it feels this way, it is likelier the case that you’ve only become more conscious of your unconsciousness; more conscious of the parts of your personality that your ego would rather not acknowledge. This can be a disconcerting experience, but it doesn’t have to be. You are more conscious now; getting triggered can be a conscious experience too.
“Following a profound spiritual experience, your ego may ‘freak out’ and begin to construct a defence what you’ve just seen,” said Lana. The ego does not enjoy being a witness in its own demise. A dark night of the soul is the ego’s last hurrah before it surrenders to its dissolution. You can allow this process to naturally unfold by simply being a witness to your thoughts. Adopt a curious, observer mindset. Allow and accept whatever it is that might arise… and it will let go. (If you’ve ever ceremonied with us before, you’ll know who this mantra comes from!)
Integration is All About Remembrance
I’ve noticed, on the clinical side of this industry, a peculiar way of positioning integration services – almost as if to suggest that integration is a preordained, prepackaged regimen. “Do this to complete your integration,” the messaging essentially screams.
This is especially peculiar, given my first-hand experience of the way Intronaut facilitates integration. For Ivan and Lana, it begins with the foundational premise that we are all our own greatest healers. A shaman can only assist participants in healing themselves. No shaman, no pill, no course, or regimen is the ultimate source of your healing. Only you can heal yourself. Everything (and everyone) else is simply a tool for accelerating the healing process. (We could distinguish the difference between effective and less effective tools… still, they are tools).
As seasoned psychedelic integration specialists, Ivan and Lana could help you demystify aspects of your journey that continue to remain a mystery. They could help you create a roadmap for a successful year ahead. But, ultimately, the act of everyday integration falls on your shoulders. To be successful at this, you’ll need to understand what integration is on an intuitive level.
“Things, once seen, can’t be unseen. However, they can be forgotten,” Ivan and Lana teach. “Integration, then, is ultimately an act of remembrance.”
What is there to remember? The awe. The love. The interconnectedness. The experience of Ultimate Reality, to which everything else pales in comparison. You’ve seen this. You’ve felt this. You were this. This is you, and that will always be so.
Integration is the act of remembering your existential nature; something that the psychedelic experience has revealed. And just like how a spiritual discipline is to follow a spiritual experience, integration is to follow the journey. Ask a spiritual seeker when her spiritual discipline is complete, and she’ll tell you that it never is —but some practice is better than none.
Similarly, I would encourage you to treat integration much the same way you would a lifelong spiritual practice. Anything that helps you remember can be considered integration. Consider the following practices:
o Meditation, breathwork, or yoga
o Journaling, connecting to your soul via written word
o Any form of creative expression, which you truly enjoy
o Being in nature
o Microdosing
There’s much I would like to say on that last item; something I’ll save for a later date. In the meantime, I hope you’ve enjoyed my synthesis and interpretations of Ivan and Lana’s teachings. They are available to assist you on a 1:1 level too, if you require more personalized integration services.
You can reach Ivan and Lana at:
And you can find my YouTube channel here. My name is Julianne and I am a new apprentice healer here at Intronaut. I’m also the creator of one of the largest psychedelic education channels on YouTube. (Currently on hiatus – ehem, vacation – but I plan to be back soon!) Thank you for sharing your time with me. I will see you next time with more great insights.
—Julianne Keu
An in-person integration session at our 2021 Wilderness Retreat. Intronaut hosts an online integration session every month - free for all to attend. Please subscribe to our Telegram channel for updates on our ongoing events: https://t.me/IntronautConcierge