samir

I have had the honour and privilege to attend 1 day magic witness meditation (2021) and two wild Zen men’s retreat (2023, 2024).  Ivan, Lana, and the entire Intronaut team create a safe and inviting space at the ceremonies and I have always felt at home on all 3 occasions.    

I could share so much here but in brief I experienced deep early childhood trauma inflicted by loved ones, the fear and anxiety of that which resided inside me and controlled my life/behavior for 49 years of my life and affected every part of my life; and that trauma, fear, anger/rage and anxiety which I projected and inflicted on my loved ones, which I am deeply ashamed of.  

Looking at the last 49 years of my life, I cannot remember if I was ever truly happy or felt loved or actually genuinely loved anyone from the core of my heart. 

Before I went to see Ivan and Lana, I had tried traditional medications, psychotherapy for years, attended multi-day meditation retreats and also ventured into plant medicine and microdosing. I was at a breaking point when I went to visit Ivan and Lana in 2021. 

After attending ceremonies with Ivan/Lana in 2021 and 2023, I saw some subtle positive shifts in my life for the first time. I felt a sense of calm which was usually absent in my life. In retrospect, this experience prepared me for the 2024 retreat. I felt there was a breakthrough at the 2024 retreat as I did some heavy healing work with Ivan.  There are no words that I can use that would be adequate to express my gratitude to Ivan for helping me work through some deeply ingrained trauma.  

Returning back from the 2024 retreat, I am at a loss of word to express my feelings/state as they are still quite foreign to me. I feel love and love for others, feel deep gratitude for my life and everyone who played a part in it, feel happy to be alive and genuinely looking forward to the next phase of my life with excitement and joy. 

Thank you, Ivan, Lana, Angels and the entire Intronaut team for everything. I am forever indebted to you. I feel love, joy and happiness.

-Samir